Freedom is the Moment You Act
Have you ever felt the pressure to show up big, especially for someone you love?
When the Pressure is Personal
I played in my first National Father–Son tournament in La Jolla this past weekend with my 17-year-old son, Will—the same 12 year old boy I wrote about during the pandemic, stretching to touch the highest branch above the trampoline (an inspirational life lesson taught by my son that I still hold dearly).
While I’ve only competed together with Will in a tennis tournament, I’m sure you can appreciate the added pressure you might feel, and the desire to not let them down.
The truth is, when you enter the competitive arena, you will always be tested in some way. Eventually, you will find yourself at a crossroads where fear and courage meet face-to-face.
That moment arrived for us.
Where Courage and Fear Meet
We split sets against the 9th seeds in the round of 16 and then jumped out to an 8–0 lead in the 10-point third-set tiebreak. A massive lead. The kind of lead that makes any loss sting demonstrably more. A lot more.
Careers across the sports world have been ended by outcomes in moments like this. Greg Norman losing at the Masters with a six-shot lead in 1996. Federer’s missed match points in the U.S Open and Wimbledon against Novak Djokovic in 2010 and 2019. The list goes on.
These moments find all of us.
As things go, my son, who happens to be the child of a sports psychologist, is extremely outcome-oriented. Unlike me, who can certainly savor a good performance and winning, I am most curious about using the outcome to elevate my game to see what’s possible–more of an “inner metric.” But playing with Will is an entirely different ball game.
So, I am pretty sure I know what he’s thinking and turns out I’m right: “What if we lose this after being up by so much?”
There I am at the net, thinking about what he’s thinking… not exactly consistent with the guy who writes books on this stuff, I understand. Just keeping it real.
The quicksand starts to soften.
8–1.
8–2.
8–3.
8–4.
Fear knocks a little louder.
I use my windshield-wiper technique—wipe away the thought—but as you know, application under pressure is a different sport altogether, isn’t it?
The thought returns.
I wipe again.
It comes back.
All in about five seconds.
Radical Acceptance and the Choice to Act
And here’s the truth: I know my son would be crushed if we blow this lead. So would I. And yes, of course, on one level it’s just a tennis match. I’m grateful, I see the palm trees, I’m hitting balls with my son.
If losing is the worst thing that happens today, we are incredibly fortunate. Totally get this. But in this moment, only so much.
I really want to win this with him and for him.
So what do I do?
I radically accept the moment—my errant thoughts, the score, the tension, the adrenaline. All of it. In a matter of a second or two this radical acceptance dissolves the fireball of stress surrounding me so I can refocus entirely on the task in front of me.
Not hoping. (Well, maybe a little:)
Not wishing.
But acting.
I make a choice. Go big or go home. I jump on a volley (not my strong suit) and knock it off decisively.
Maybe that freed something in Will, because on the next point he cuts off a backhand volley, himself, and places it just out of reach. We close it out and win, 10–4.
What these Moments Teach Us
Afterward, I found myself thinking about how rarely we acknowledge the inner battles unfolding beneath the surface—on the court, in competition, and in our daily lives.
I have been living and breathing tennis and psychology for decades. Yet, still, negative thoughts and feelings arise for me, too. It’s the response we get to choose that motivates me the most.
Without these moments, without the tension that appears in the things we care about, life wouldn’t feel the same. It would be the life of AI.
I share this story hoping it serves you in some way—whether you’re supporting your child through something meaningful, or you’re navigating your own defining moments.
When Fear Shows Up, Remember This:
There is something far more powerful than the “what ifs.”
It’s the willingness to act with conviction, even when the moment feels bigger than you.
That is the path of mastery.
With Gratitude,
Jeff
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”
— Viktor Frankl
New Small Group Fearless Tennis Virtual Coaching Experience
Where courage is practiced: I’ve been running a small private group tennis experience this fall focused on helping motivated adult tennis players steady their nervous system, sharpen focus under pressure, and rebuild trust in their competitive process.
A new adult group will begin on Monday, January 5th, and if this resonates with where you are right now, you can learn more here.
Applying Radical Acceptance:
Practical Tip: Pick one frustrating situation or issue that you are mulling over in your mind and ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do about this right now? If the answer is NO (often the case), drop it. Let it go. Practice doing this. It’s a muscle. Let it move into the rearview mirror. If you can do something about it, then do it. Or write it down. Then refocus on something else. Self-generated questions stimulate the pre-frontal cortex (planner, organizer) and quiets down the amygdala (emotional center) and interrupts the mental looping. We all deserve to have a little more mental freedom!
The Mental Edge for Young Athletes
(If you leave a review for me send me the screenshot) and I’ll send you some cool stuff. Reviews make a huge difference on Amazon. Thank you!)
In today’s hyper-competitive world, talent alone isn’t enough. Young athletes face immense pressure—tournaments, rankings, expectations, social media, and academic demands—all of which can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and burnout. Mental toughness is what separates those who survive from those who thrive.
Why Success is Just Beyond Your Reach
How a moment on the trampoline can shift a young boy’s mindset.
Don’t Let Your “Knots” Slow You Down
A little bit of data on something we see so often could be a game-changer for you if you apply this new mental approach to your goals.
